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As a novice gardener, years ago I remember standing by a particularly sparse bed of vegetation and screaming, “Grow! You stupid flowers! Bloom!”, and almost crying in frustration at not getting the results that I wanted after many weeks of earthy labor. Flowers, it seems, will ignore these types of pleas if you ignore their need to be placed in an area that corresponds to their nature. As gardeners, we need to accept this ground rule. Embracing this law signals your advancement to the rank of actual “gardener”, because until you have passed this marker you will just be a wild, out-of-control killer; another muderer in Eden. After years, I finally passed this embarrassing milestone, and yet I still find myself trying to bend this rule. Now though, I have discovered something new; adult diapers and the universe of container gardening.

My spouse is always telling me to Bloom where you are planted. This is good advice for me and as an amateur gardener; I wish I could pass this tip along to my plants. Alas, plant life will refuse to flourish if not placed in an area that is conducive to its temperament – regardless of subsequent cajoling and urging by the gardener. Acceptance of this basic ground rule is an indicator for promotion of the greenhorn gardener to the status of adequate. It has taken me many seasons to get here and even still, I seek to prune the rule. Recently though, I have discovered the world of container gardening and the marvel of adult diapers. Yup, adult diapers.