You’ve cheated, and you’re wrecked with guilt…and trying to salvage the broken pieces of your relationship. This article will help you learn how to build trust after infidelity (yes, it’s possible), so both you and your partner can start getting over an affair and move forward together.

This is advice from a cheater (yes, me). My husband forgave me, and we’ve been happy together ever since.

You didn’t stray for no reason. Something about your relationship was causing you to feel uneasy, unfulfilled. Once you know what that was, you can start to fix things.

What was it about the person you cheated with that appealed to you? Did they seem exciting? Did they pay a lot of attention to you? Say things to you that you needed to hear? What drew you to this person is a sign of what’s missing in your current relationship.

You wouldn’t have cheated if you were happy with your relationship. That’s not an excuse…just a reason.

Building trust can’t happen unless the underlying problems are addressed. Couples counselling might help.

But knowing the problem is just the first step. The next step is to actually do something about it.

When restoring trust, actions speak louder than words. Talking is good…but doing the right things is better.

Small promises that you keep will go a long way to rebuilding trust. Your partner needs to regain confidence in you. Little things like taking out the trash every night, or being on time will help them learn to see you as trustworthy again…far more than grand gestures will.

Whatever you do, don’t argue. Your mate needs reassurance, and needs to express their feelings. This means that you will be taking the brunt of it all…and you’re going to have to do it with patience and understanding. Accept their anger and sorrow, apologize as often as you need to, and above all be patient and humble.

However, this doesn’t mean you have to be the bad guy forever. If you let your partner guilt trip you, the relationship you’re rebuilding will remain on shaky ground. If you need to defend yourself, do so gently and with compassion.

Lastly, you need to find the good in all of this. In my situation, my husband and I both saw that the affair had shone a bright light on issues we both had regarding relationships, and it gave us an opportunity to address them together…and patch them up for good.

Getting over an affair and rebuilding trust takes some time. You’ll need to be honest with yourself and with your partner, and take action to fix things. But if you do it right, you’ll end up a stronger couple for it.