There is a kind of person, ubiquitous throughout society, whose smug attitude and self-obsessive tendency marks him out from the crowd. These people seem to have an advantage over the rest of us, always finding their way to positions of power and influence – by hook or by crook – regardless of their lack of talent and their aversion to hard work. When I lived in Budapest I remember reading a pair of stories in the local newspaper which gave me a new perspective on this class of unrepentant narcissist. I should like to share them with you:

The first of the two articles told of a young woman who, while running through a residential area, came suddenly under attack from a particularly tenacious German Shepherd. The dog chased her across several blocks, and it took all her strength and ingenuity to evade it for long enough to escape a mauling. Finally she was left with no choice but to swim away from the dog across the Danube, and the dog, not being fond of cold water, finally let her go. Eventually the police were called in and they tracked down the dog’s owner, a US expatriate living out the years of his retirement in Budapest. When informed of the dog’s attack on the young girl his only reaction was to call her a “silly bitch” for the way she had run from the dog, and inquire whether it had not occurred to her to climb a telephone pole?

In the second story, an entrepreneur, reported to be a foreigner of Hungarian descent, had purchased an old construction crane, set it up on a bridge across the Tisza River, and set himself up in the bungee jumping business. Akos, a man in his late 40s, known to be a bit of a firebrand, was his first paying customer, and as it turned out, he was also the last. When Akos jumped from the bridge, the stress was seemingly too great for the housing fixing the crane to the bridge. The article went on to say that the injuries Akos would have sustained from the fall would not have been so bad had the crane not dislodged from its housing and landed upon him. At the time the article was written, Akos was languishing in the hospital in a full body caste, but expected to make a full recovery.

As absurd and tragic comedic as these stories may appear, they are very real portraits of players in action.

Denial has a pejorative connotation. However, it is actually a necessary part of our mental framework. It is a kind of disassociation. All of us do it, yet none of us can fully own up to it. Ironically, we must deny our own denial. Otherwise, it would cease to function for us. It helps us not to see what we wish not to see. It acts as a kind of filtering lens, only allowing that information which helps support our beliefs to pass through. In the case of the player, this denial is of such a magnitude that it eclipses everything else. It literally borders on madness. They create reality as they go along. As opposed to maintaining certain fixed ideas as we all do, the object of their denial is constantly shifting.

We may see the effect of this lifestyle in the case of the paedophile. Paedophiles regularly commit crimes which the rest of us can barely stand to think of while maintaining a veneer of respectability both for the benefit of the outside world and to feed their own denial. That so many paedophiles disguise their true identities beneath the robes of a minister is no coincidence. They view themselves as innately good, however reprehensible their crimes may be. They are the ultimate narcissists, blind even to the act they put on, seeing both sides of themselves at the same time and futilely trying to reconcile the two. They may have the skill to appear rehabilitated once caught, but the chances are this is just another act.

Entitlement and vindictiveness are central to the narcissistic personality. They are really two sides of the same coin. Narcissists feel naturally entitled to anything they desire. In fact, in their inner world, desires would be elevated to needs and rights. One of these is the right to always come out on top; to always win!

No matter how much they get, how many times they win, they feel an absence of gratitude. Narcissists are ravenous. When deprived of the material rewards or deference they feel to be their due, they are enraged. Because of their completely distorted sense of their own importance, the slightest provocation can provoke the severest retribution. This narcissistic rage, particularly when not readily vented, becomes a vindictive obsession, which can consume them for years.

In conclusion, the Players are driven by the need to win whatever it takes. Their own vanity is what spurs them on, and their inflated pomposity makes them feel entitled to win whatever the reality experienced by the rest of us. They will never compromise, relent or give in. They are insatiable.

John Berling Hardy exposes the Big Lie which frames the way in which we see the world, others, and ourselves. For more of his writings please visit www.playingtheplayers.com

categories: Psychology,Religion and Spirituality/Philosophy