The foundation to any successful relationship, be it personal, professional, or otherwise, is to develop positive communication skills by Speaking with Good Purpose. Doing so allows us to maintain trust and respect with those we wish to surround ourselves with.

Gossip, complaints, insults, and other forms of negative communication, if prevalent, will eventually destroy a healthy environment. Negative communication can be extremely damaging. People must learn to avoid gossip, address grievances and concerns in a mature manner, and express themselves clearly and directly. This is why the act of Speaking with Good Purpose is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

Speaking with Good Purpose means much more than simply using positive language. To do so means we communicate with positive intent; and build others up by making our messages positive and direct. When we focus on positive conversation and solutions, we avoid repeating or encouraging negative comments and gossip. To do this, we tell the truth, air assumptions, and maintain integrity by apologizing when necessary.

In order to control the words we use, we must first learn how to control the thoughts that create them. You have the power to choose positive, powerful thoughts or negative, damaging thoughts. The first step is becoming aware of the negative thoughts that pop into your mind. Think about the little voice in your head, the one that says, “You can’t because ” – the one that comes up with reasons why you will fail before you ever try. What may be blocking you from asking for that raise, time off, or asking that special person out to dinner? Your may be sabotaging yourself based on the negative things you tell yourself.

At one academic summer camp that focuses on developing positive communication skills in kids and teens, students are asked, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? What is holding you back?” Is it that voice in your head, insisting it’s impossible, impractical, and dangerous to take risk? Exert control over that voice, and begin telling yourself how you will succeed. To Speak with Good Purpose to others, we must first be able to Speak with Good Purpose to ourselves.

Speaking with Good Purpose also means listening with good purpose. Over 90 percent of the total messages we communicate have nothing to do with the words we choose. Take a moment to ask yourself, “Are my words encouraging and useful, or are they damaging?” Notice your tone of voice. Is your intonation whiney, defeated, or complaining? This could send a message of cynicism or sarcasm to the other person. Naturally, we unconsciously adopt patterns of speech that can hamper our ability to communicate clearly. Once aware of a communication problem, you can then take steps to change. Make the choice to Speak with Good Purpose only, rather than saying whatever comes to mind.

When conflict arises, it is easy to forget how to Speak with Good Purpose. Emotional conflict makes it difficult to communicate thoughts and feelings without slipping into negative patterns like laying blame or attacking the face with angry accusations and insults.

Letting emotions get in the way of our speech only leads to confusion, disappointment, hurt feelings, or even fights. Fortunately good communication skills give us the tools to discuss disagreements clearly and without drama. This brings understanding and will help you work together to establish a solution you both agree on.

Another key to developing positive communication skills is learning how to become a better active listener. Active listening is the art of listening attentively to someone and letting them know they have been heard. It is the practice of seeing the situation through the other person’s eyes. When we disagree with someone, the best way to reach positive resolution is to listen more and talk less. By doing so, we avoid emotions as we seek first to understand so that we may be understood.

Take in what the other person is saying and try to fully understand them. Once they are done, reiterate what they have said so they know you understand, and then follow up with your own perspective. This process earns you, “The right to speak.” Once you have done so, you will be truly able to understand the other person’s perspective and continue the process of Speaking with Good Purpose to achieve positive communication skills and conflict resolution.