Today’s paper revealed that the traveling public’s Enemy No. 1 is still wreaking havoc. With his usual low profile, Les LeGroom has kept quietly behind the scenes while coaching airlines with their major decision making. For those unfamiliar with the man, a brief history would be that Les became a highly sought after consultant for the airlines after he left the sardine canning industry in the early nineties with an unprecedented package. His professional forte of packing humans into smaller and smaller spaces is evident in a recent flush of new aircraft deliveries to major airlines. The new planes have the same cabin space as previous models except that they sport an additional dozen or more seats.

No one can discredit Les LeGroom by saying he lacks of ingenuity. The airlines cannot get enough of this guy’s ideas. He always delivers the goods and does it smoothly, such as when the removal of food galleys created hardly any upset among seasoned passengers. After all, this was seen as a positive public health move, the end of gray chicken a la king. A few more seats were tucked in these nooks as though they had always been there. So full of ideas, it is like Les never sleeps and of course, he expects the same from airline passengers. Another of his expectations may come as a bit of a shock though. Rumor has it that he is urging the airlines to consider cutting back on a significant percentage of lavatory space, to make room for even yet more seating. Why waste all that space on one or two uncomfortable thrones?

Even some high up airline executives are uncomfortable with this suggested direction. Just a few weeks ago, a copy of an airline’s internal memo mysteriously appeared on the desk of a travel magazine editor. Dismissing it as a joke, the editor sent me a copy which to his surprise, I gave far more credibility to than he would have dreamed. There is the occasional manager who doesn’t worship every inch of ground that Les LeGroom walks on. This memo was a leak about leaks, in which LeGroom suggested more research on the possible public acceptance of ATBs or Airline Travel Briefs which from what I could tell, equated with adult diapers. His argument was that many Chinese travelers use absorbent underwear as an answer to tight travel conditions; wasn’t it time for westerners to catch up?

State of the art seat cushioning is Les’ favorite claim to fame on the new aircraft. New seats are now designed to emulate the thin profile of the flip down LCD screens that are supposed to keep passengers glued in their chairs, mindless of their close quarters. Something tells me that the human body is not as adept at fitting into many of the prescribed folded positions and tilts of the new seating, despite the positive press the airline spokesmen are giving it. Sitting in my flexible desk chair and carefully enacting a written description of how the new seats can recline without disturbing one’s backyard neighbor, I managed to act up my sciatica and bloody my knee on the desk in front of me.

What is Les LeGroom’s vision for the future of air travel? It hardly bears contemplation. People shoved together in their ATBs, figuring out their ETAs and stinking to high heaven of the sardine oil showered on them by the sprinklers recently installed at the boarding gate. Practices gleaned from one industry and applied to another can have frightening consequences. We might be well advised to tuck one of those funny little can keys into our Airline Travel Briefs just in case of an emergency.

(A Note to Readers: After an earlier publication of this commentary, I received an email from a certain L.L. who politely informed me that I had misspelled his name. Correction: Les LeGroom should read as Less LegRoom.)